underneath the stars
I'll wait for you darling.

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Love takes many forms...
6:12 PM

"I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong."

I cryed when i read this. I'm dead serious. It's just sad that some people are treated differently and harassed because they love someone of their own gender. I don't see how that's wrong. It has never been written that a man has to marry a woman and vice versa. So why do people look down on others that are doing nothing wrong but loving another? It's wrong for them to be treated badly for loving someone. I am against Homophobia.

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Monday, May 19, 2008
5:04 PM

i was just thinking
i was reading some blogs but i just couldn't get through all the sad stuff.
then i thought i might write a blog entry about how we post only sad stuff on our blogs
but then i realized i'd just be adding to the mess that is our tangle of lives
each woven between everyone elses, each so knotted we can't get it undone

then some things were said and i realized i'm not a good friend. at all.
i say things about people when i'm mad with them, and sometimes just because i'm being pissy.
i get jealous of my Own Friends!
and i am not looking for pity or attention, i'm just a really bad friend.

with this post i'm not looking for a comment that says " oh sam it's ok we love you anyways"
because it's not ok! it's not even close to being ok. i feel really guilty about all the things i've done or said. i feel like crap and i deserve to feel bad. so don't try and make it all better. i don't deserve it.

but i'm going to try and make it better. i'm going to try and not be so judgemental or pissy, or jealous, or nosy. i'm going to try to be better so please bear with me.

because i don't deserve friends like you guys but i'm going to try and make it right.

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Saturday, May 17, 2008
The importance of learning a different language...
1:34 PM

(if you click on the picture it opens bigger so you can read it)
lol i think this explains it's self. ^_^

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Friday, May 9, 2008
Staying Kids
9:24 PM

When did we suddenly change from being care-free kids to being responsible adults? When did the fun stop? What if I didn’t want to grow up? Does anyone care? What if I want to be the little kid on the Merry-go-round, instead of the adult that has to push? What if I still want to believe that if the Merry-go-round spins fast enough that I’ll fly away? What if I want to believe in magic and stories and laughter and love? What if I want to think that everything always turns out happily ever after? What if I don’t want to grow up?

Now what? I’m growing up with no way to stop time and hold on to joy. If I look ahead of me, to the future, all I see is work and bills and the need for more money, But looking behind me I see giggles and laughter and fun. Is all that stuff gone now? What do I have to look forward to?

Then say I do have some fun in my life. Say that when I die I am very pleased with who I was and who I had become. Then do I finally get to go back to those days when there was nothing to worry about? To the days when the only worry in my mind was whether or not I’d spin too fast and fly away? To the times filled with getting dirty and running wild?

Well I sure hope so.

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Monday, May 5, 2008
random thought from me
7:19 PM

i think it'd be interesting to be insane for a day.
now i know that sounds weird but i want to know what it feels like to have other voices inside your head. i think it'd feel like you weren't alone ever. it'd be kind of nice.
but then again there's the public and what they would think. "oh look a crazy person. don't get too close." sure it would be mean and you'd be hurt by it, but you wouldn't be alone
and i think that'd be cool.

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