underneath the stars
I'll wait for you darling.

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008
words aplenty
4:15 PM

To most it's just a swear word but to me it's a release.
I say Fuck instead of telling you what i really want to say.
I say Fuck instead of starting a fight.
I say Fuck instead of breaking down and crying.
I say Fuck as a barrier between myself and the real world.
It keeps me sane and it keeps me going.

So the next time i say it, don't look at me in disgust or anger.
Don't say i have a dirty mouth or that my parents couldn't teach me any better.
Don't think i'm a worse person for using such "dirty" language.
Because to me it's just a word like any other.
A word that keeps the peace.

Just because people label some words as "Bad" or "Dirty" doesn't mean they are.
All words are made up of letters.
All words are part of our language.
All words were made to be used.
And Fuck if i'm going to go against the natural order of things.

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Friday, April 25, 2008
i just want to run away from it all...
8:36 AM

I just want to run away from it all...

I feel the need to get away

To move again

To leave everything behind and start a new life

I want to go far away and start over.

I want to make my life whatever i want it to be.

I could be royalty, coming from a far off place.

Or a girl from the sea, born and raised on a ship.

Or a orphan child from the slums of Africa.

Or a tight rope walker, raised from birth with glitter and circus people; born to preform.

Or a girl with cancer struggling to remain normal.

Or a wild child from the deepths of the Amazon Rainforest.

Or a psycho trying to stay sane.

Or so many other things.

but here i am... stuck here being me... stuck being normal

and average

and uninteresting to the point of being boring

but stuck here all the same

guess i just have to deal.

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Thursday, April 24, 2008
Top 25 Reasons i'm glad to be alive
3:17 PM

Top 25 Reasons i'm glad to be alive.

(and yes this list is a count down so the best one is # 1. the rest are sort of out of order though... >.<)

25. I'm not stuck in the ground with worms as my only friends! =P

24. I'm still able to dance in the rain.

23. Boys...enough said... =P

22. I can still act like a little kid on the playground. =D

21. I can smell the spring air filled with the scent of clean grass and flowers.

20. I'm able to eat muffins!

19. I can tease my sisters till they are so pissed that they want to kill me.

18. i can sing at the top of my lungs in the shower.

17. Learnng how to drive...one freak out and crash at a time.

16. The ability to smile even when i don't feel like it.

15. having the ability to cry when i need to.

14. being cheered up by my somewhat insane friends

13. Having good times on the monkey bars even though i'm almost 16

12. Saying things that i don't mean to... then feeling embarassed... then laughing about it

11.Be able to laugh like i don't have a care in the world.

10.i'm able to travel the world.

9. Having a happy feeling every time i see a little kid playing

8. Learning New languages

7. Play My flute =D

6. Speech!

5. Jamming to rock music in the car.

4. Having the chance to tease my friends about multiple things... =P

3. The ability to shove 7 people into a 4 person car... >.<

2. Being able to be a nerd, and damn proud of it!

1. I can joke around with my friends and end up giggling over the stupidest things.

(Well this was supposed to be funny but it turned sort of sappy...Because i found out i'm not a funny person... O.O...Oh well =P)

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Monday, April 21, 2008
Oh Dreaded Writers Block
4:08 PM

Don't really know how this came about... hmmm =P
Oh Dreaded Writer's Block

A poem I shall write
About writing a poem
A pen caressing a page
In a love for words
Gracefully the lines flow
From the mind of an artist
As the writer shows their passion
Stopping only in thought
Of what’s to come next
Pausing to find the right word or phrase
Irritatingly stuck on the tip of the tongue
Oh dreaded writers block
Halting all progress in the writing
Awkwardly stealing all thoughts
From the…uh…the
Oh dang it all!

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My Love
4:03 PM

emo poem this time... >.<>
Well...read on!
My love

I'll wait for you
Holding my heart
For all to see
That you are my missing part

Counting each teardrop
That falls for you
Each beat of my heart
Showing how much I'll do

I'll stand there patiently
Till the end of time
All the while
Wishing you were mine

Staring into the dark depths
Of my frozen soul
Waiting for you
To bring warmth to the cold

I need you with me
So fly like a dove
For only you can save me
My one true Love

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Lovely Farts - Poem
3:57 PM

Yes i know...i'm a loser...>.<>

Lovely Farts

My love for you
Is like a fart
It sticks with me
And won’t depart

The love I feel
With each passing breath
Is often like dieing
A gassy death

Though love isn’t as amazing
As you might think
In fact sometimes love
Just really stinks!

But fear not my love
I think you are swell
But oh my goodness
What’s that smell?!

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Dance of Love - Poem
3:54 PM

this is one of the few poems i actually like so... Enjoy! =D
Dance of Love

One step forward, two steps back
In the dance of love
You don’t get any slack

One step forward, then back again
This dance from hell
Should be a sin

Once again step to the beat
Going round and round
This ain’t a treat

One step, then two more
One wrong move
And you’re out the door

Now spin around, and don’t take offense
For the dance of love
Don’t make any sense

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3:37 PM

Well here is a random emo story...well not really story...more like a blurb...a paragraph... something... >.<>

There she sits, staring at the crimson ribbons of blood pouring from her wrists down to the floor. It forms a shallow pool surrounding her, soaking into her clothes. Life is so fragile she thinks, there one minute, gone the next like a petal on the breeze. So easy to end, to let it slip away. She wonders what her friends will say, or what her parents will think. Will she even be missed? She starts to get drowsy, to feel fuzziness surround her. It coaxes her into the sweet darkness. Beckoning her towards warmth she has never felt, a peacefulness of sorts. She lets her eyes slide closed and her body fall back against the cold tiles. Following the feelings into the darkness, as she breathes her last, sad breath.

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The Other Side of Hell
3:32 PM

Another story that i started but never got around to finishing... >.< (i'm a little nervous about letting other people read these... but the i remember that no one ever reads these things anyways... =P anyways...)
Enjoy another crappy story of mine... =/ =P

The Other Side of Hell

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” came the scream from above. Great another one thought Dimitri rubbing his temples right beneath his horns as the throbbing started I hate the screamers.
“In Coming!” He shouted over his shoulder as he made his way past the stalagmites protruding up from the rocky ground to the giant switch on the wall “Everyone ready?”
The screaming was getting louder by the minute and Dimitri’s headache was growing worse along with it. I’m going to enjoy this one he thought to himself evilly.
“ ‘Eh Dimitri! Lets get on with this, then!”
Startled out of his thoughts, Dimitri looked around and realized everyone was ready and waiting for him. With a dramatic sigh he flipped the giant switch down. Instantly large flames shot up from the ground and blood started dripping from the walls. To his right a large machine began to let out the sounds of tortured screams and the noxious smell of burning hair and flesh wafted about the room.
Quickly Dimitri made his way to a large wooden desk located at the far end of the room. Once there, he sat down and opened the large leather-bound book setting in front of him. Skimming the page he found the name he was looking for about three-thirds of the way down the page.
Ah yes our 4:00. A Mr. Arthur P. Whimsly. Right on schedule.
To Dimitri’s displeasure the screaming had grown to full volume and his temples pulsed with it. Looking up, he watched as the Screamer came plummeting towards him at a frightening speed. The man had a look of pure terror plastered to his face, his eyes large and white, mouth hanging open in a never ending scream. As Dimitri watched the man’s whole body tensed as he threw his hands out in front of him, and braced himself for the jarring impact he was about to experience.
This one’s going to have a particularly nasty fall thought Dimitri pleasantly. Just then the man slammed into the ground with a bone-crushing force. Oh That must of hurt.
After a few seconds pause the man sprang to his feet and began running his hands along his body as if checking for any missing parts. He looked stunned that he wasn’t dead, but then of course you can’t die when your already dead.
I always love the look on there faces Dimitri thought They are priceless! He started to laugh, a laugh so ear-splittingly evil that it would have made his mother proud.

The man jumped and whipped around so fast that if his head hadn’t been attached it would have flown right off his shoulders. With eyes as wide as saucers the man sputtered out the always asked question.
“W-w-where a-am I?!”
Letting out another evil cackle Dimitri replied in a malicious pleased tone “Arthur P. Whimsly, Welcome to Hell.”

(not so sure i like the name dimitri...might change it... maybe James... =/)

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3:15 PM

so i have been nagged to put up a post *cough*jordan!*cough* so here ya go! =P
This is a story i started but like all my other stories it got thrown away. i just randomly got another idea for another story and this got forgotten... Plus i think it sucks...so...yeah =P
Enjoy! =)

It had been one of those long grueling days, the kind that drags on forever with no end in sight. Reaching my front door, I took out my key and unlocked it. As I entered my humble abode, AKA my apartment, I reached over to flick on the lights. The sudden brightness in the once dark entryway nearly blinded me, and caused me to trip over my own feet landing flat on my butt. “Just great” I thought “this day just gets better and better!” Grumbling to myself and cursing people under my breath, I got off my butt, dropped my keys in the bowl beside the door, and headed towards my small kitchen to get something to eat.
“Wonderful, no food AND no money” I told myself when I flung open the fridge, and took a peek inside.
All that rested inside the fridge was 1 pudding cup, 1 jug of week old milk, and a single piece of moldy cheese. Grimacing I decided that the pudding cup looked safe and I started to eat it. Flopping down on the sofa in front of the TV, I started to channel surf, looking for something mind numbing to watch so I could forget about my horrid day.
Settling on a rerun of one tree hill, I began to rethink my life. “Where to start?” I groaned to myself. “Well why don’t we start with my non-existent love life seeing as how the world revolves around love! I mean come on, when has life ever been about anything else? See my point? It hasn’t! well except maybe money. Ok now I’m rambling and that won’t do me any good.”
Glancing at my clock in the kitchen I decided it was time for bed.(mostly because it was 11 o’clock at night and I had to get up at 5 the next morning) So I got my lazy butt up off the couch, shut off the TV, and started getting ready for bed. Lying back in bed against the pillows I finally fell asleep.


An angel. Above me. Floating. Giant black feathered wings holding him up. A face. Beautiful. Must be an angel. Dark eyes the color of obsidian. Deep. I was drowning in them. Each a small pool of sadness. Wonder if the wings are soft. I should touch them. An arm reaching up towards the wings. Caught in a pale fist and pressed back against my chest. A soft caress. A kiss…


Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep
“Uhggggggggg” I moaned, flopping my hand onto my alarm clocks in hopes of turning off or even muffling the stupid appliance. My hand finally found the snooze button and then…peaceful silence. But the damage had already been done leaving my mind and body wide awake.
“Fine” I told my clock.” You win this time but tomorrow I will be victorious!”
Grinning like a maniac, ( well it was 5:15 in the morning) I hopped out of bed, or a more accurate description would be to say that I flung myself out of bed, and in an effort to keep my feet under me, knocked over a vase full of dead flowers that had been setting on my dresser. Brown, crumpled petals and dead stems went flying across the floor like they were possessed. Groaning inwardly, I staggered towards the kitchen to find a broom and dustpan, knowing full well that if I didn’t clean up the mess someone would probably take away my birthday or something worse. After dumping a dustpan full of flower remains into the trash can, I started getting ready for my day. “Hmmm clothes first” I mumbled to myself “and defiantly a shower”.
Later fully clothed, showered, and perfumed, I grabbed my keys and my purse, and then headed out. Searching for my car I could have sworn I saw the angel from my dreams last night. He was standing in front of the coffee shop across the street from my apartment, staring straight at me. As soon as he saw me look at him he turned around and disappeared! A spooked and way freaked out I finally made it to my car and headed to work.
I work as a waitress at this restraint called Super Sid’s. It’s this tiny little beat up diner downtown. But even though the place looks like it has never seen a fresh coat of paint, the food is always freshly made and the waitresses are friendly. Even though I want to be a famous musician, this job pays the rent and as a bonus I get to have breakfast there every morning, before my shift, for free.
I have always loved music every since I was a little kid. I was started on piano lessons at age 6 and at age 12 I had taken up the flute and guitar also. When I was in college I learned some percussion, and the trumpet, and, as soon as I get the money, I’m going to start learning how to play the violin.
Reaching Sid’s, I found a place to park and headed in for my breakfast. When I was finished I went to the back of the diner to change into my waitress outfit. It consisted on a pair of black pants, apron and a blue polo type shirt. I pinned on my name tag and was ready to go. Grabbing my notepad and pen I headed out. Unfortunately in my haste I forgot about the door and ran face first into it. Oh yeah it’s going to be another long day.


Eleven hours and a few new blisters later it was almost closing time. Just as I was packing up, the clang of the front door’s bell signaled that I had another person’s order to take before I could leave. Sighing, I pulled my notepad out of my pocket and headed to the front.
Rounding the corner of the counter I nearly screamed. For there sitting in the booth in front of me was the guy from my dream, the same guy I saw in front of my apartment this morning. The one that had disappeared! He was staring out the window with a sort of intensity that normal people didn’t have. Like at any moment something exciting was going to happen and he wasn’t going to miss it for the world. My emotions ranged from scared to annoyed and then to burning anger. What was this guy’s problem anyway? Why was he everywhere I looked? Was he a stalker?! I finally decided even if he was a stalker I was going to give him a piece of my mind. How dare he follow me! I was going to kick his ass if he so much as looked at me funny.
I clenched my fist and stalked over to where he was sitting. “Why are you following me?” I hissed at him. He didn’t turn away from the window or even acknowledge my presence. He just kept his gaze out the window staring at who knows what. A little miffed at this I decided to get his attention by whacking him on the head with my notepad. Not a smart move and I recommend you don’t try it. When I tried to hit him he moved to fast for my eyes to follow.
Suddenly I was on my back on the other side of the booth, hands held above my head by his arms, with him on top of me. “What the…?!” I yelled “Hey get off of me you asshole!!! I’ll call the cops or something! What do you want? Let GO!!!” Struggling against him I try to get away with no avail. This guy had arms of steel! Suddenly I stopped moving noticing that no one was trying to help me. There were at least 8 different people in the diner in various places, plus Mike in the kitchen and Remy and Lydia, two of the other waitresses, at the counter. Surprised I finally noticed no one was moving at all. One of the guys in the corner had a sandwich in mouth like he was going to take a bite but he was frozen. No one even breathed except for me and the guy on top of me.
“W-what did you DO?” I stammered scared by this sudden change of events. The man above me didn’t say a word, he just turned is head towards me and stared deeply into my eyes. Stunned by his gaze I forgot how to breathe. He was GORGEOUS! I mean not just hot like normal guys or even perfect like a movie star. He had jet black hair that fell in long spikes around his face, a nice nose, totally kissable lips, and those dark obsidian eyes. Those eyes spoke volumes. They were like pools of liquid darkness that lead you right down to his soul. My lungs suddenly decided start up again. Realizing I was staring, I quickly averted my eyes and resumed my struggling.
“Stay still” He hissed at me “Do you want them to kill you?”
Stunned by this I stuttered “W-what are you talking about? Who is trying to kill me? I don’t understand”
“Silence” he whispered “they will find us”
And that was as far as I got because he suddenly pressed his lips to mine and I was lost in feeling. The kiss was warm and oh so very gentle. Then as quickly as it had come the kiss was gone. I was stunned to silence. (Which as probably what he was trying to do)
The man above me pressed against me trying to make us look as small as possible. Suddenly there was a loud noise near the end of the diner. I raised my head slightly to get a better look but the guy pressed me back down. “Don’t move!” he hissed. “They sense movement!” I really wished I could see what was after us but I didn’t want to risk my life, so I stayed very still. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw it, the thing that was hunting for us. It was tall and lean with a big head and smaller body. Its mouth had 4 rows of small pointy teeth that looked like they could devour a cow in mere seconds. But by far the strangest thing about the creature was that it didn’t have any eyes or even sockets where the eyes should have been. All it had were these small antenna-like things sticking out where the eyes should have been. The antennas were constantly in motion, searching for the tiniest hint of movement.
Not able to help myself I gasped at the sight and instantly the things antennas were pointed towards us. The thing started to move towards us in a weird galloping motion, as I heard a whispered “Shit” from the man on top of me. Quickly discarding the no movement plan, he yelled at me to hold on tight. I obeyed his order and wrapped my arms around his neck holding on with all my might. All of the sudden huge black wings unfolded from the guys back and we were airborne. How we ended up outside I have no idea but we were now out in open air and rising fast. I tightened my grasp around his neck and he held me tightly to his chest.
Now probably not the best time to mention this but I’m really afraid of heights. No seriously I can’t even ride the Ferris wheel at the carnival because it goes up so high. Ever since I climbed to the top of the biggest tree in town and then…fell. I broke my right leg in 3 places and my arm in 2. For a while they weren’t even sure if it would all heal. The doctors were afraid I would have crutches the rest of my life, but I made an amazing recovery and have ever since been very frightened by heights. Which makes this a bad predicament to be in.
“Shit” I whispered nervously “We’re very high up aren’t we?!” He obviously didn’t feel the need to answer such a stupid question because he stayed silent. “Oh no oh no oh NO!” I shouted sobbing loudly “God no please let me down” Then I started to hyperventilate. It was like my lungs had just decided to stop and take a break. Gasping for air, I tightened my death grip on his neck.
Confused by my sudden change in behavior and lack of oxygen, he stared down at me to see what was wrong. Concern instantly filled his gaze, as he saw me freaking out. “You’re afraid of heights aren’t you?” he said surprised “never mind that now. Its ok I won’t let you fall. I’ve got you. Calm down and try to breathe ok? Its fine I have you. You won’t fall I promise.” Listening to his calm voice I tried really hard to untie the tangled knot that had formed in my chest. Finally able to breathe somewhat steadily, I buried my face into the crook of his neck finding comfort there as we flew high above the city. Lulled by the soothing sound of his voice and the wind rushing past us, I slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep.


Part 2

Jerking awake, I was startled to find that I was in my bed in my apartment. “Wow ok too many romance novels and action flicks” I thought “that was one of the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had. It was probably caffeine induced. No more soda before bed” Glancing at my alarm clock I nearly freaked! It was 8:15. I should be at work by now! Sid is going to kill me! Shit!
Jumping out of bed I scrambled towards the bathroom to shower and dress. I was ready in record time as I grabbed my shoes from the bedroom and raced towards the front door. Skidding to a halt I nearly screamed when I saw what was happening in my kitchen. Picture this: in front of my stove stood the guy from my dream, cooking eggs for breakfast. I was so startled I couldn’t even breathe for a few moments but when I finally had enough air I sputtered “Y-y-your REAL?!” It was a stupid question, I know but it was all my panicked brain could come up with at the time. Anyways, he turned towards me and said “well of course I’m real! Who else did you think it was that dragged your butt back here last night? Also how do you want your eggs?”
Still stunned by finding a stranger in my kitchen, I just stared at him with my mouth wide open. “Well how would you like your eggs??” he asked again “or do you not like eggs?”
Finally gathering my wits about me I grabbed a chair and sat down at the table. I figured that if he was already making breakfast that I should help myself. “Uhhh… how about scrabbled? And where did you get eggs? I know for a fact that they were not in my fridge the other day.”
“I went out and bought them because I was hungry.”
This statement surprised me and brought on an image of the tough angel grocery shopping which made me giggle.
“Ok I have a few questions to ask you and I would really appreciate it if you would answer them.” I said “because I’m a little freaked out and confused at the moment. By the way what is your name?”
“Ok well that’s a start. My name is Chloe. Second question. Do you have wings?”
“hn” Jesse replied in a monotone voice, that was devoid of any emotion.
“What?” I asked him, a little miffed that he hadn’t answered “Just a simple yes or no would do, and it is something I would like to know.”
Turning away from the stove to look at me, his eyes roamed up and down my body as if to see if I was “worthy” enough to know the answer.
Finally deciding Jesse simply replied “yes.”
“Well can I see them?”
“You already have.”
“But I’d like to see them again just to make sure.”
“You think I’d lie?”
“No, I just want to make sure”
“Fine” he said.
Jesse turned back around to face the stove and pulled off his shirt. There folded against his back, were a pair of black wings.
“Oh my god, they’re real! Can you open them up or unfold then or whatever you do?” I asked surprised that last night wasn’t a dream.
Growling under his breath, Jesse suddenly snapped them open as if he was going to take off.
“Amazing” I said in awe “They’re so beautiful.”
Finally having enough Jesse folded his wings back, up against his back and put his t-shirt back on.
He grabbed a plate off of the table and scooped some eggs onto it. Then he handed it to me and got himself another plate and did the same thing, before sitting down across from me. Busying myself eating the eggs in front of me, I tried to think of which question to ask next. My train of thought exploded when Jesse said “Weren’t you going somewhere?”
“Shit” I said standing up suddenly “I have to go to work! What time is it? Where are my keys?! Oh my god I’m going to be soooooo late!!!!”
“Calm down” Jesse said as he watched me scramble about “its 8:53, and your keys are probably still in your car at the restaurant.”
“What” I asked stupidly. Then suddenly I figured it out. He had ‘flown’ me home last night so my car was still at Sid’s.
“Shit! I need my bus pass then” Running towards my room I was stopped by Jesse calm voice saying “if it’s that big of a deal I’ll drive you”
“You have a car?” I asked breathlessly
“Doesn’t everyone?” he replied
“Well ok where is it then?”
“Outside. I went and got it this morning well you were sleeping, so I could get eggs.”
“Why didn’t you just fly?”
“Because people don’t usually like to see other people flying around in the sky. They tend to scream.”
“Oh” I said stupidly “I see your point…AHHHHH! I’m late! Hurry up! Where is your car? Come on move it or lose it!” Snatching up my purse, grabbing a jacket and flinging myself out the door and I scanned the street for the car that might belong to Jesse. “Where is it? Come on we’ve got to go! What is taking you so long? Let’s go! Move, Move, MOVE!”
“Calm down” Jesse said with a sigh “it’s the red sports car over there”
“Ooooooo snazzy, Can we get going now I’m already late” I said as I hurried over to the car he had indicated. “Wow you must have some cash” I said in awe as I got in the car. It was one of those snazzy sports cars that looked expensive on the outside and even more on the inside. Hell the thing smelled expensive! Men and their cars. It always amazes me.
I got in, put on my seat belt, (safety first and all that) and waited impatiently for Jesse to get in. he got in and put the key in the ignition.
“Finally!” I said, as he put the car into drive and headed towards the road that would take us downtown.
We drove in silence for the full 15 minutes it took us to get to Sid’s. Pulling up in front of the restraint, I looked over at Jesse.
“Ok so here is the deal” I said “I have a ton of questions to ask you but I’m afraid if I get out of this car you are going to take off and never come back. So I would really appreciate it if you came in and sat at a booth till my sift ends, because if you don’t I’ll just sit here forever, understand?”
“hn” Jesse replied
I decided to take that as a yes to my proposal, so I opened the door and got out. Jesse did the same and we headed inside. I walked to the back room to put my uniform on and grab my note pad, while Jesse seated himself in the booth farthest from the door.
“ok eleven hours till I can get out of here” I thought to myself, as I headed out and started to take orders “then I can ask him all the questions I want.”

(so i started a part 3 but, like i said, i forgot about it... >.<)

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